Journey to the Center of My Heart
Updated: Feb 4
One might find it interesting to know that I am an accidental teacher and agent of change! In my wildest dreams, I never thought I would be a teacher at all....I was a performer, wild and untamed, always loving dance and theatre with dreams of Broadway...that is until my mother and my aunt forced me to listen to a recording of myself singing....I had no vocal talent. At all. I still laugh when I hear Cyndi Lauper's "Girl's Just Want to Have Fun"...my song of choice back then. Still passionate about dance, I lived an exciting, youthful existence traveling the country and exploring. The one other thing I found fulfilling was helping others, so I began to study nursing shortly after completing my BA in dance. I had, after all, been a candy striper and CNA while in my teens. I had also been a competitive dancer and cheerleader, who on two occasions became injured so badly (once chipping my pelvic bone) that I was told I would never dance again, and possibly walk with a limp for life. I refused to believe this. I installed a ballet barre in my room and listened to self-hypnosis and subliminal tapes, and was back to the ballet with a secondary interest in healthcare.
Then, that little thing called romance got in the way...I fell completely in love with someone who was to become abusive. In my youthful naïveté, I spent more than a decade moving in and out of that relationship, and a few other shorter term interesting ones as well. However, it is that relationship that brought me to Florida in 1997, and for that I have unending gratitude.This is where my journey really began.
I didn't think I'd be able to (or for that matter, even want to) exist after that relationship, and I spent a lot of time pretty lost. A friend introduced me to a fitness class based on yoga, though definitely not the yoga I am familiar with today...it was more like Jane Fonda aerobics with sneakers, heat, and seemingly dizzying directional changes all at 6 am. I didn't care for it much; the time of day, nor the pace, and thought yoga was not for me at the time.
Fast forward to 2005, when I felt I was getting "old" and ought to go back to school, finish my nursing degree. I did indeed go back, and finish the program, only to be told the day before graduation that I was being flunked out over a subjective SOAP note. I fought it for a while...I didn't have the best of attitudes in those days....I think this was only about the second time in my life that I failed at something I had worked my absolute hardest at...It was devastating, despite my own role in it. That is when I went to what I now know was my first yoga class, and I fell in love with the breath, the peace, the quiet of meditation. I desperately needed some structure, and to succeed at something again, so I thought I'd just sign up for Yoga Teacher Training at one of the most revered schools in the country (unbeknownst to me). They actually were not thrilled with my desire (they were aware of my wild side, and of how depressed I was over nursing school), and did not automatically accept me...I had to be interviewed by the program's master teacher. However, I am a powerful manifestor, and I did indeed get in, and we have a beautiful relationship to this day.
This was an amazing period of time, and a devastating period of time...I had begun re-creating myself without even knowing it. I graduated on October 31st, 2010...what an appropriately fun and dramatic day; Halloween, my favorite holiday! I didn't enter the program thinking I would, or even could be a teacher, and yet that is exactly what happened. Almost immediately. I don't believe that many of my classmates (who in many cases did want to teach) are still teaching today. Some never did decide to teach. Life is mysterious that way, sometimes bringing us what we need when we can't find it for ourselves.
I went straight into LifeForce Yoga training for personal growth...it was all about yoga for emotions, mood management, and I felt that same calling to help others. I also came to realize that yoga is for everyone; young, old, sick, bedridden...there are so many styles. Little did I know at the time, but the major emphasis on psychological and spiritual knowledge would lead me to pursue not just yoga, but also Reiki and Hypnotherapy, even Neurofeedback within the next seven years.
Now I know that feeding my own heart, body, and soul with self-love is where the journey actually gets really good...even substantial. I no longer feel lost and empty. I look around and have so much to be grateful for. Everyone in my life is kind, and there for the long-term, unconditionally. I am able to utilize both my mistakes and my strengths to assist others in their own journeys of transformation. And on a more humorous note, that awful singing voice of mine...well, it turns out that very same voice is melodic when it comes to Yoga Nidra and Hypnosis....Never in my wildest dreams, would I ever know how many people would love my voice...tell me it is one of the most relaxing voices they've ever heard. Oh, and my wild side is still in tact...I no longer feel the need to blatantly irritate with it, though I find nothing wrong (and everything right) about embracing my playful, creative side. In fact, my authenticity has become one of my strongest assets by means of how many different people I can relate to and empathize with. You just never really do know. As they say in NLP: There is no Failure, only Feedback. The Universe was guiding me to where I could be happiest and best serve others using all of my talents.